Tuesday, July 14, 2009

It would appear that a question is in order!

What ho! It has been an excellent week for Cornelius and I, who had taken some leisure time to go on expedition; there is simply nothing more relaxing than taking a group of your closest chums to plumb the depths of an uncharted rainforest with the aims of conquering and converting the heathen tribes that live within, then taking large amounts of their natural resources to teach the savages the glories of Capitalism. But like all good things, our trip was doomed to end, for we have a duty to the commoners to impart our knowledge upon them! Today's question is political in nature, coming from geo_; it reads: "What is the connection between liberty and privacy?"

geo_, it appears that your question is incomplete, for it lacks a good deal of context; liberty and privacy are but abstract concepts, and are therefore meaningless when existing only in the ether (much like happiness or "love"). Allow me to fill in the missing portions: "What is the connection between your liberty and my privacy?" To allay your confusion, lad, let me assure you that the question is still from your point of view - it is your privacy and my liberty we are concerned with.

Now the question is much more accessible. As I am a man of industry, the liberty I am concerned with is economic; therefore, I am only free insofar as I am able to pursue my business interests to their ultimate ends. As you are a common worker, your privacy comes between myself and my financial ends; as your personal "privacy sphere" expands, my ability to senselessly exploit you is constricted. To show this, some illustrations may be in order:

-By allowing you the privacy of a secret ballot, I am denied the liberty to exert coercive pressure on common voters to ensure the election of the valiant pro-business candidate .
-By allowing you the privacy of doctor-patient confidentiality, I am denied the liberty to create the most efficient workplace by weeding out the sickly and the weak.
-By allowing you the privacy of opaque walls, I am denied the liberty to ensure that my workers are getting no more than the four hours of nightly rest necessary for a keen mind and rested body.

It thus appears quite clear that your "privacy" stands directly in the way of my economic liberty. So what is the significance of this, then? To find this, we must index both your privacy and my liberty to the universal metric - the Holy Dollar. Because my ability to operate freely results directly in the creation of capital, my liberty is quite socially valuable indeed. However, your privacy creates no wealth at all; instead, it merely frustrates my endeavors and therefore inhibits society as a whole. As a result, the exercise of your privacy operates directly counter to the Gospel of Wealth so inherent to the practice of our religion.

So there you have it, young geo_; it appears that your attempts at "privacy" are little more than self-serving acts which only serve to hurt society. Were it up to me, you would be placed in a stockade and stoned publicly for your crimes of greed. Fortunately for you, we are a society of mercy, where all are given an opportunity to repent for one's sins and attempt improvement (except those pathetic, potato-eating Irish, who exist only as a blight upon this great nation). I wish you well in this endeavor, and I have already instructed my finest contractors to replace your walls with the most translucent of butcher paper. Good day!

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