Sunday, June 28, 2009

Good show there Reginald! My ideal woman is a good listener... one with a single black eye. Now then, on to the most serious crisis of our time: The environment!


If you are to compare the situation of mother earth today to an object, what would it be and why?


Well there Kelley, it appears that you are asking me for my thoughts on "Mother Earth." As is the case with all women, I would say it's best place would be in the kitchen. However, as a mother, its duties in life are as follows:

1. Be obedient to the father, husband, and any male children in the family.
2. Pass on the teachings and duties of the mother to the women children.
3. Be pleased as all your hopes and dreams are fulfilled: You get to provide food and cleanliness so that the men may concentrate on running the world!

All important though, is the general rule of silence. Women should be seen and not heard... just like mother earth. So, as Mother Earth's favorite children, we should be prepared to help our mother into her grave. So, I suggest we knit a bonnet to make Mother Earth more comfortable. While this would require an immense amount of yarn, I believe that we as a planet can "go green" and find a solution- recycling comes first! Let's start by using that AIDS quilt for something productive.

Now then, for the answer to your question, may I suggest that Mother Earth is much like a hatching egg. As the chick sees the light of day and begins to crack through the eggshell, so has mankind seen the light of industrialism, allowing us to do away with such useless things as plants and national parks (Damn that socialist Roosevelt! Yellowsto ne's land could be used for at least 50 shirtwaist mills!)

Now that I've answered your question Kelley, might I ask you a question: Why are you out of the kitchen? And where is my dinner? I leave you these to ponder as I enter my mighty zeppelin, The Spruce Goose and go off to take over a new colony in Near East.

Bolly! Those Hashimites are quite the strong laborers!

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