Saturday, June 27, 2009

A Question of the Romantic Persuasion

I cannot help but agree with Cornelius on the previous question: divinity is found and found alone within the sacred tenets of a free market. Carnegie be praised! Our next question comes from Raviisher, a teenage girl who proclaims her "individuality and independence," quite the plucky trait considering the unyielding glass ceiling she most assuredly will face should she fail in her womanly duties of attaching herself to a wealthy man for the sake of procreation, and thus be forced to join the poorer masses in the occupations of manual labor. She asks: "What makes a woman truly beautiful?"

Now, I feel that I am excellently qualified to field this question, as I have been known to gallivant with quite a few fillies in my day. While those days are for the most part over now, having found myself both a caring wife and a capable mistress, I believe that I can quickly illustrate the perfect woman. A woman's "true beauty" comes not only from her looks, but from her personality and demeanor. To be adequate, she must possess a straight posture, a strong notion of deference to her male, and a quiet disposition. As I have often noted, the key to an excellent relationship is a healthy dose of silence. Personally, I require at least four hours of uninterrupted reflection with my newspaper, pipe and brandy. As a married man, though, I have adjusted my habits to include the lady in my activities more, allowing her to watch the fire from the opposite chair as I read. Physically, she would require child-rearing hips, a healthy bosom, and the most chalky of complexions. My, I can feel myself becoming blushed just thinking of a beauty I saw the other day, her skin kissed only by the faintest of candlelight as she sat knitting for all the day's hours.

I hope that this tips were of help, young Raviisher, and wish you well in your pursuits of maternal glory.

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